That Day....

 As she woke up, letting out a huge yawn and a little stretch to begin her day, her eyes still holding the last strand of sleep...her hands scrambled for her phone to put off the snoozed alarm. She sleepily looked at the screen, and stopped short, unknowingly letting out a little sigh. 

She knew this was a day she could never forget....and neither she should.

She sat up, drawing aside the curtain of her bedside window. A faint ray of sunlight made its way through the cloud cast sky and the cool monsoon wind onto her face, making her wince.

"Perfect beginning. Be it for a day, or a new life, this morning has never been seeming to be more perfect for the last five years." 

 Smiling to herself, she got up to have a wash. Her mind reeled back to this day......six years ago.

It was on this very day that her first love had broken off with her to move in with his new girlfriend. He didn't even care to consider the fact that her practical exams were to begin from the very next day, or, that she had been eagerly waiting for their upcoming date that was scheduled just five days later after her exams, for the last six months. Like any other girl madly in love, she had blissfully accepted the little deficiencies that came along with a long distant relationship, unaware of the game that was being played with her trust.

That day, she was busy with her exam preparations, least worried about anything else, let alone him. She had called him once in the evening, but he had not received. She had not thought much since then, considering, he might be busy and that she would call him up again after dinner and then came his text saying.. "I won't be able to be with you anymore. Hope you move on."

 It had struck her hard like a thunderbolt, leaving her momentarily speechless, and in a state of denial. The entire thing had been too sudden for her to take in. 

It was just a insensitive casual text from him...no explanations....no good byes....and then, all her efforts to contact him back went in vain, because she had been permanently blocked.

As expected, her sixth semester practical exams were totally ruined, fetching her bare pass marks.  Her innumerable efforts to contact him only resulted in bringing her gushes of tears and pains. She knew he had abandoned her, but the only thing that was worse than the abandonment was the realization that she didn't even deserve an apology......or an explanation.

And then it began....the journey of a broken heart , caught up in the war between what it believed and what it knew, just the way they show it in the movies......the only difference being that the real life one was much more painful. Her blind trust in him, and the rock solid foundation of their relationship had made her overlook the subtle changes that had developed in him, she being totally unaware of what was yet to follow. 

His "Sorry sweetheart, I was busy" to " My phone was on silent mode" finally started making sense to her. Infact, there were times when she had almost caught him red handed, but her innocence had always trusted his finely woven lies, inspite of all the warnings that her friends had brought up to her.

Her initial post break up pain slowly and gradually pushed her into a vicious cycle of depression, taking a toll on her mental, physical and emotional health. She had started losing her hunger, and sleep. Her books, her hobbies, her laughter seemed to become distant strangers from whom she tried to run away. Her friends tried to help her by cheering her up and finding various ways to divert her attention, but all their efforts were of little help.

She had lost her sleep...and even if she fell asleep for a good couple of hours, she was woken up by nightmares, with a fresh gush of tears, into the reality, that seemed harsher than her dreams.

Life seemed tough, as every little bit of the day reminded her of his betrayal.....from the cafe, where they had first met, to the air conditioner at the room displaying the temperature that happened to be his roll number...from the mall where they had their first date, to the song to which they had shared their first kiss. The entire world seemed to haunt her and she had nowhere to hide. She was exhausted of running away from everything that she came across.

She knew she was losing herself.

And the more she tried to break through this pain, the more severely she was being drawn into the whirlwind of the devastating emotions, that was cruelly shattering her into crumbs. It seemed tears had found a permanent home in her eyes. Even medicines seemed to have lost their effects on her, and she started getting paler, leaner and weaker day by day.

A part of her had wanted to give up. But the fighter in her still held on. There had to be some way......she had to survive.......she had to be happy once again.......something had to be done before it was too late.

She didn't know if she could make it, but gathering the last bit of her strength and hope that remained, she prepared for the final fight......

They say that the first step to healing is self love. And yet, loving herself seemed to be the toughest job to her at that moment. Unsure of where and how to start, she stood in front of the mirror. The pale girl with her eyes turned red after hours of crying seemed unfamiliar to herself. 

"You are beautiful. I love you." A fresh gush of tears flooded her cheeks as she faintly whispered the words. It seemed too unreal...too painful. And yet....she knew that it was just the beginning. She still had a long way to go...

For then next three days, this ritual continued, twice daily. Her day began, and ended with tears, as she forcefully reminded herself of the same six unrealistic words.

On the fourth day, however, she did not cry.

After one week, the words started to feel less unreal and more heartfelt.

And after about twenty days....she found a faint smile adorning her face as she reminded herself, in front of the mirror.."You are beautiful. I love you."

It is truely said that when you start convincing yourself something, again and again over a period of time, even the biggest lies are perceived by the heart as truth. And it seemed that her broken heart had finally started to accept her Love, believe how truely precious it was and decided to heal.

Slowly, yet steadily, she found herself chatting with her friends. Earphones found back their rightful places, and books found back their rightful purposes. 

Inspite of the pain that still resided inside her heart, she could find sleep settling back onto her eyelids.

As her ritual of reminding herself of how loved she was, continued, she found herself gathering up courage to dress up and take herself on a solo dates at nearby restaurants and cafes, clicking selfies and enjoying ice creams. She found herself to actually enjoy her own company. What had begun as a concious effort, was slowly starting to forming into her habit.

Her smiles had finally returned and her health was falling back into place.

She did miss him. But now, she didn't want him back. She was so full of self love and acceptance, that his memories or unfaithfulness could no longer find the place to stab her. She no longer looked for her answers, because they seemed useless. She knew that she would need some time to forget, but she had forgiven him.

She knew she had found back herself, she had known herself better and it would never have been possible, had it not been for 'that day' when he had left her.

And thus, 'that day' deserved to be celebrated.......

The vendor's cry broke her chain of thoughts and brought her back to the present.

The sun had by now managed to somewhat come out of the clouds, just like she had once had......casting a golden ray upon her face, that reflected a sense of bliss. The cool monsoon breeze played with her curls, tickling her shoulder as it gushed past her body. 

For the last five years, she had celebrated 'that day' as her personal self love day. She used to visit the Temple first, to thank the Almighty for providing her with all the strength she had needed to survive, followed by the market, to gift herself her favourite perfume, a cute handbag...or that matte lipstick she had drooled over, which was to be followed by a solo dinner date at her favourite restaurant...greedily gulping down biriyani or pizza, that was finally followed by her favourite dessert hunt....a generous indulgement in ice cream, pastries and cheesecakes before returning to her hostel room.

"And the hard work has paid off...", she giggled to herself, playfully smacking her chubby tummy, that proudly made its presence felt through her t-shirt. 

Inspite of the lockdown, she knew how exactly she would celebrate the day this year and got up to action....

She found herself in front of the mirror, checking herself out.

She hated it, when they said that she had gained weight. Her self love lessons had always taught her to admire herself as a cute chubby teddy bear. But at the same time she knew they were right.....and much to her dislike, she had started to follow a strict diet and regular excercise, not for the sake of a perfect body, but for the health issues that could accompany obesity.

"You are beautiful. I love you."

The girl in the mirror smiled back.

She blew herself a kiss.

"Cheat day.", she happily declared to herself and headed for the refrigerator.

'That day' that bar of ice cream would be doing its only job of adding extra happiness, not extra calories.........