Dear November...

 

Dear November,

As I stand against the wind, I feel the familiar Déjà vu cruising along, in my veins yet again. The feeling of heaviness….of some incoherent pain….some unknown fear settles around in the air, and I can’t fathom what I am going through. The sky seems empty nowadays, now that the white autumn clouds have left….there is something lonely…some hollowness, amidst all the serenity in the azure that spreads miles above the horizon. Why do you bring this austerity, November??? What is this detachment all about??? Why are you so indifferent to the worldly ties??? Or, is it just because you bring along the season of ‘falls’ with you….and this is what fall is all about???

The pain of losing a beloved…..the realization of how life turns ochre from green…..the seemingly endless wait for the spring to come again…for the flowers to bloom…the sun to smile…the clouds to return….I don’t know, November. You tell me, what is the ‘fall’ all about?? Why does it always bring about this unexplained sadness within the cracks and crevices of my soul….those cracks and crevices that I wasn’t even aware of, in the first place?? Why does your crisp and cool air carry along a melancholy, that, perhaps, never even existed???

I am bombarding you with questions, am I not?? Perhaps, you don’t yourself have the answers, and I won’t even blame you for it. Its not that I despise you. I mean……you are just what you are, what you are meant to be….how you were created…..and even after years when I will cease to exist, you will still remain the same……the indifferent, apathic bringer of change. You know….perhaps that explains why I feel so scared in your presence. Because, you bring change…..change, that is not heart melting like the spring, not bright and sunny like the summer, not romantic like the monsoons or dewy like the winter. You bring a change that is harsh like the eternal Truth…..cruel, like Life……scary,  like the beginning of the end. You bring a change that reminds one to ‘let go’….and isn’t that the toughest realization of life?? ….that time changes…..that life goes on inspite of losing everything that matters…that patience is the key to finding back the key to happiness…..aren’t these some of the toughest lessons of Life???

Then why do I put you at fault, November??? You are just carrying on your duty….the way Nature has taught you….the way you are supposed to work, even if you don’t feel at peace with it. Isn’t it that is something we all do??? Tell me, November, do you really feel happy when your cold dry wind rustle among those yellow leaves, whispering into their ears a silent threat of tearing them away from the branches of the same very tree they had been holding so close all these years?? Tell me, do you feel at peace, when those distant stars hide beneath the mysterious shroud of the thin fog, perhaps to hide some secrets…….or some unspoken fear??? You don’t, right?? Does it never matter to you, that no poems have been written and no song has been composed that praises your beauty??

But you know…that is what you are…..a boulevard of broken dreams….an incomplete saga waiting to be completed….some promises that were made, but not kept…..some unspoken pain….some harsh truth……that is what you are….Life, in its truest form….beautiful in your own right…

 And no matter what……you are needed……and I don’t know if anyone has ever told you this, but you are loved for being who you are. Yes, you do bring pain….but you also bring along hope…the hope that Spring would come once again, washing away your gloom with new found joys…..with the new lives of baby green leaves and the ecstasy of blooming flowers. And you know what….most importantly, you teach how to wait for sunnier days full of warmth…….you teach how to dream of the beloved far away from home……you teach that no matter what, happiness will seek your smile once again, and you teach how to patiently wait till then…

Forever yours,

A crazy heart full of random thoughts