Regrets...

-

 “Life, my dear, is too short to regret…”

The distant familiar voice echoed from the hollows of the intensive care unit, amidst the constant beeping of the machines that were supposed to keep me alive. I sighed….how futile everything seemed, now, that I was on the threshold of life and death. The wires held on to my fingers and wrists…like they could keep me tied to this place. I knew…my moment had arrived. I had always wondered how death feels like…how my last moments would be…and yet, in my last few moments, all I was left with…was regret.

I wished…for one last time, to live the Life I had been blessed with…….and this time, I wanted to live, to die without regrets. What if……..I had the courage to speak out??? What if…..for once I had listened to myself??? What if…….

The doctor’s warm touch over my left hand broke my reverie. Did he look hopeful about me???...could I find one last chance to live???...could death evade me for this one time, only to let me live and set things right???

One…just one apology was all it could have taken….and I would have spent that last one monsoon evening over a cup of coffee with Baba. It never happened…..

One apology….and my best friends would have met me for one last time before we never met again. It never happened….

Just one apology…one confession….and the love of my life would have been by my side today, holding my hand, asking me to stay strong. But I had let that person go….

But did I really want things to turn up like this??? Definitely not. Then WHY???? Why God, why???? Why didn’t I realise that a moment of vulnerability was way more beautiful than a lifetime of regrets???? Why didn’t I realise, that I didn’t need to prove myself right every time my soul screamed otherwise??? Why was I so blinded by my stubbornness…my ego….my pride…..when all I had to make that ‘one’ call….that ‘one’ text….that ‘one’ move…..??? Why didn’t I realise, what actually mattered…what actually meant everything to me???? Why did my head always deny, what my heart has always agreed to??? Why did I only realise, after it was too late???

Questions. Too many questions flooded my already hazy mind. And I had no answers.

Why am I feeling breathless??? Would I finally die???...Would I die, without making so many things right?? I don’t know if ‘next life’ exists, but what if, I don’t get to meet them again, in that next life??

What if…..

The beeping over my head seemed frantic now. I could feel people rushing around me, as if, in a last effort to provide me some solace. Something pierced my skin, and a rush of cold warmth cruised through my vein. My eyes felt heavy. May be, I was tired….too tired of being who I have been. May be……..

I could not think now. For one last time my lips moved. I don’t know, but probably and indistinct “I’m sorry…” came out. I knew it was too late now. I just had a few more moments left. And all I was left with, was regret…

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Half Century....

-
  Sneha let out a huge yawn, as she twisted in her bed, snoozing her alarm for the n th time in a row. Pulling her blanket over her face she smartly evaded the demure winter sun rays, that had peeked into her room through the glass window panes, in a vain attempt to wake her up. Five minutes passed in a nano second, and her alarm once again tired itself out by shouting near her ears. How much she wished that she could throw it outside her window for good, but the fact that it was her dearly loved five year old Samsung A70s, that she had planned to replace only after her final exams, stopped her somehow. Sitting on the bed that was too cozy to leave, she rubbed her eyes, offering a short morning prayer, wondering, if God would forgive her laziness. She loved Sundays, but today was different….she had a night shift, which meant, she had only half a day to herself to clean her room, wash her clothes, arrange her wardrobe, have a proper headwash, finish her scheduled chapters and do ...
Read more

I Had A Garden...

-
I had a garden, where little flowers bloomed. Where the breeze gently played with the blades of the grasses And butterflies danced, like there was no tomorrow. I had a garden, small, but mine. Where the dew drops glistened in the first light of the dawn, As the wild flowers woke up to the songs of the birds. I had a garden, the one of my dreams, That knew how the moon called me by my name And how the summer zephyr messed with my hair, Making me giggle, like a carefree teenager, Blissfully unaware of the dark clouds,  c onspiring at the horizon.  And then came the storm, with a thundering roar The darkness engulfing every bit of light that I had held on to. The birds left, as their nests gave away... And the butterflies shuddered in pain and fear. The flowers held on to their petals for one last time,  And the beautiful green boughs tried to be brave Before losing themselves forever. And my garden was no longer my dreamland It was wrecked and shattered... Like the ruins th...
Read more