Meeting Myself....

 

Yesterday, I met myself….the one, I had long forgotten.

She sat quietly, her eyes wandering aimlessly, deep into the dark skies, perfectly hiding her inner turmoils behind their serenity. She sighed…..as if, breaking her own chain of thoughts.

“What was she thinking??”…I wondered, knowing it very well that she would never let anyone visit the darkest depths of her mind.

I went to sit beside her. She looked at me, with a smile…like she always does. Some things never change, and so hasn’t she, in all these years. Behind that soft smile, I could perfectly make out her battered soul, trying to proudly stand strong and flaunt her scars. But behind those eyes…..I could make out exhaustion creeping in. I could make out those tired eyes, craving to sleep.

“What??”, She began.

“How are you??”

She kept quiet, but I knew what that smile meant. I kept quiet…..creating a peaceful solitude between us. Somewhere….it felt better.

“I am tired…”,She began. I looked up. She continued….

“I am tired of everything you know. I want to sleep….”

“Trust me, you are a brave girl”

“You have nothing else to say, isn’t it??...typically you…”, She laughed.

I smiled. Whom was I kidding?? She began…

“You know, even I used to think that I was a brave girl. But I don’t think, I deserve that misassumption. I just prefer to be a girl….a plain simple girl…the one I was born to be, before Life happened. The one who dreams…..who smiles….but then……”

“You are a fighter, dear. Hold on.”

“Yeah right….but tell me something, did I ever want to be a fighter in the first place??”

“Girl, God chooses His warriors….”

“And warriors don’t deserve to be tired, isn’t it?? Warriors can’t dream of a peaceful Life….or wait, warriors are not even allowed to dream, right?? The war must go on….no matter how battered you are…how scarred your soul is…..how much your heart bleeds, or your eyes ache…is this even fair??”

“Life is……”

“Whom are you even kidding??”, She sighed. I knew she was right. I however tried to be firm. I could never let her give up, although, I knew her too well to know that she never would. But, I had to be sure. I began…

“Look, the strongest steel passes through the hottest fire…”

“Yeah…but I am just another human of blood and flesh, and I prefer it that way.”

“Trust me, this too shall pass….”

“When??”

“Soon. Just don’t give up”, I tried to sound convincing.

She smiled, looking at me. Had she found out about my inner fears?? Did she know that I was as insecure as her…..just trying to be strong for the sake of both of us?? Had she….

“Tell me one thing………”, She broke the silence.

“What??”..

“Have you ever felt like…you are being pulled into a vicious whirlwind of nothingness, and you have allowed yourself to be pulled, because you had no resistance left??...or, did the world seem to be an errie silent place, despite the meaningless cacophony all around??...had it ever seemed dark, but you had come into terms with the darkness, not bothering to open your eyes, because the light outside was too blinding??”

“What are you even…..”

“Yes, or no??”

“NO!!...NEVER!!...”, I literally shouted, as if, to convince myself more than to convince her.

“So…..Why did you stop writing, then??”, she smiled, looking straight into my eyes.

I looked away…..deep into the night sky. I knew I didn’t have an answer....or rather, I didn't want to answer. I knew that she didn’t need one……….